The Start of the New Year & Dealing with Trauma
It is a new year. I remember it well. Getting the class roster. Setting up names on everything. The new bulletin boards, notebooks, book baggies, table arrangements. This year is different. Everything is different. Well, not everything. You are still the teacher who loves to teach kids. And you do it well.
That said, word on the street is that you are riddled with anxiety and fear. How will I manage this? Teaching in class with a mask while simultaneously teaching students via a computer? How will I ever connect with kids? What if one of my kids gets Covid? What if I get Covid? What if a family member gets it? So much unknown. So much that you can’t control. So much to surrender to. There’s that word again…Surrender.
How to Surrender?
First, we need to take a second and recognize our feelings. This school year more than any other we are going at warp speed trying to do everything. There is no time to pause for ourselves. We must. Pay attention to your body. What is it telling you? Do you feel tension up your neck? Are you sick to your stomach? Does your back hurt? Is your mind in a constant state of what ifs and worry. PAY ATTENTION.
The grid below is from Marc Brackett’s book Permission to Feel. Hugely important to use with kids—however, first let’s start with us.
What makes you feel good? Listening to music, singing, dancing, taking a bath, watching a show, meditation, reading a book, going for a walk, a jog, yoga, playing catch with a loved one, playing scrabble, or solitaire. Do something for you. If you can take 60 min., great. If you can only take 10 that works, too. Sometimes just acknowledging the feeling and taking a deep breath can make all the difference in the world. I cannot stop thinking about parents and their part. Will they help their child as I am teaching? Will they interrupt my lesson asking questions? Will they talk with their child or someone else and distract.? Ok, Christy you are worrying about something you don’t even know will happen. Stop. Take a breath. Mind still racing. Take another. Go work out on the treadmill for 20 and watch Golden Girls. Which by the way if you haven’t seen in awhile, so worth it. Funny, sweet, short….love!
Also, if you don’t know what makes you feel good, figure it out ASAP. We need to know and love every inch of ourselves. Teachers don’t take time for themselves. They are always doing and giving to others.
Believe in you! Just because we are in a Pandemic doesn’t mean you don’t know how to teach. You went into this profession because you love kids and want to change the world. Now more than ever you have the opportunity to do that. Don’t forget just how amazing you are. You were born to teach. Remind yourself that every day if you have to. Like most of us, I have been binging on different shows. One of my favorites is an HBO show called Insecure by Issa Rae. Issa is the writer, producer and star of the show. Her character is funny, and real, and vulnerable—so relatable. She does this thing in the mirror where she talks to herself. Gives little pep talks. SO important right now. “Girl, you are the best. Your kids love you every year. They write you love letters. You know your stuff. You are so great at teaching reading. You got this.” We need to channel Issa and give ourselves daily pep talks. Do it with your colleague before the start of each day.
Finally, think a little bit about how these last 5 months have impacted you. What has been hard? What problems have come up? Issues? What about any traumas?
Difficult: hard to deal with, manage, or overcome
Problem: difficult to deal with, understand, accept
Issue: A vital or unsettled matter
Trauma: emotional upset
We often push things like issues or trauma to the side. Some of us even avoid problems and difficulties at all cost—as if they don’t exist. Or we think we are immune to them. We are not. The interesting thing is we are ALL going through this Pandemic. We are ALL being impacted by it. I binged a lot over the summer and I read a lot. The book I am currently reading is called Why We Can’ t Sleep by Ada Calhoun. The book mostly addresses Generation Xers—people born between 1965-1980. In the book she talks about the space ship Challenger. She watched it live in her 5th grade class. There was much build up because an elementary teacher was on that ship-Christa McAuliffee. That morning Ada and her class watched as the Challenger exploded right in front of their eyes. The announcer didn’t know what to say. Their teacher didn’t know what to say. So nothing was said. A teacher died in that moment in front of twenty-five 5th graders and nothing was said.
Talking about hard stuff is the worst. I have to address something hard in my family. I know I have to, but I am scared. I am putting it off. I am imaging the worst. What’s the worst? What is worse than this continued feeling of tension? What is worse than losing a family member over a misunderstanding? What is worse than knowing people you love are hurting?
Writing might help.
When has there been a moment when you had to deal with something difficult, a problem, an issue or trauma? Where were you? Were you alone or with anyone? How did you feel? Did you show those feelings? How — in what you said or did? Write about that.
Hmmm…a time when something was difficult, a problem, an issue or trauma…
Could be the first time I wore a mask
The time I snapped at my cousin
The time my family met outside my mom’s window to celebrate Easter and no one hugged each other
The time I flew from Jersey to Florida….the plane was empty
The time I flew from Tampa to Jersey…every restaurant was closed in the airport. Could not even get water.
The first time I went to a grocery store up north after shopping at Publix for seven weeks
The time my niece called crying saying it was the WORST day ever! Her student loan didn’t go through, her classes are brutal and NO contact with her teachers
We can do all of the above with kids.
Ask your writers how they are feeling about things. New school year, virtual, or wearing masks? What are your feelings? Use the grid. Try to find the precise word to identify those feelings. Are you feeling up (yellow, green) or down (red, blue)? High energy (red, yellow) or low energy (blue, green)? Once you figure that out try to pin point the word.
Reassure writers that in this class we accept and honor whatever anyone is feeling. Try to show up for yourself. Be true and honest. Also, really show up for others as they push themselves to be brave and share real , true, honest feelings. Acknowledge each other’s feelings. A smile, a nod, a signal stating you’re not alone in those feelings.
Who are you? What matters to you? What makes you, YOU?
4. Do a little writing. The teaching point above could be taught across the week. I do think it is important to let kids know that we value hard stuff in this class—we don’t shy away or avoid it. We can say things like, “We are all here to support you. Whatever it is that you are going through—through writing, talking, thinking, and living, you can get through it.”
If there is one thing that the last 5 months have taught me is to think about what really matters. What do you care about that you want to show up in your teaching? I have worked in hundreds of schools in the U.S. and around the world. I have written a Writing Unit to Launch the school year and have shared it with many in our work together. I have come to realize that in addition to some technology tips on the teaching of writing, the above work has to be a part. I have always explored writing identity with kids and teachers, however, now because of Bettina Love’s work in We Want to Do More Than Survive, I have come to realize the importance of really knowing the WHOLE child, not just their reading and writing identity. And Marc Brackett’s work around feelings is more urgent now than ever. Finally, understanding the idea of trauma and talking about HARD stuff. I have had enough trauma in my life to realize how alone you can feel in it. No one wants to make you cry. No one wants to make you hurt. No one wants to make you sad. As if someone has the power to do that. What we do have the power to do is support when we know humans are hurting deeply. This is the journey I am on. I hope to embark on this scary journey together.
With Love~
Christy